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Main Entry: agent pro·vo·ca·teur Pronunciation: 'ä-"zhän-prO-"vä-k&-'t&r, 'A-j&nt- Function: noun Inflected Form(s): plural agents provocateurs /'ä-"zhän-prO-"vä-k&-'t&r, 'A-j&n(t)s-prO-/ Etymology: French, literally, provoking agent Date: 1877 : one employed to associate with suspected persons and by pretending sympathy with their aims to incite them to some incriminating action

Joan Crawford's Long Lost Daughter

01.15.04 (3:44 pm) [edit]

=http://img13.photobucket.com/...

Who knew? And all this time I thought he wanted to be Diana Ross....

I Smell Money...

12.04.03 (3:00 pm) [edit]

Ok... I know...it’s been about 7 days since I posted an entry. Amazon.com has kept me so busy I haven’t been able to do anything but go home to Mom’s apartment, eat and fall into bed. Mom’s tree is up finally. I put it up while my cousin was here visiting from Ohio. I hate it when she comes. I suspect sticky fingers on that woman. I shouldn’t have to feel as if I must guard all my stuff and my mother’s stuff while she’s in the house. But that’s another blog entirely. The tree still lacks decorations but I hope to take care of that today/tonight. I plan to have the phone turned on today also. It’s very difficult to feed my journaling habits doing all my blogs on “word” then copying/pasting when I do manage to get to a P.C. It’s great to be back in Louisville, even if it is for only a day or so. Oh the joys of being among mature civilized people again...
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]I took the job at Amazon.com with the understanding that it would be Saturday, Sunday and Monday only, 12 hours each day. Then I got the bombshell dropped on me in orientation that there would be an over-time day added. Mine was to be on Fridays. THEN they dropped another bomb as I was getting settled into my new job; I now had another overtime day. It was to be Tuesday. So now I’m working Friday through Tuesday 12.5 hours each day. Now I do need the money but gee, if I had known that this is what was going to happen I would have gone on and taken the Monday through Friday shift and had my weekends off. I guess I cannot complain. I was miserable unemployed and this job is very easy. I don’t have to think about a thing. Now hang on to your hats, because it may go south on me yet. Let me tell the story of a bitter old woman called “Bulldog”. Better still let me enter an excerpt from the complaint I lodged against her:

Complaint Notice (dated 12.01.03);
“Jeffrey has stated he had been warned about “Bulldog” (He doesn’t know her real name) during training to take her with “a grain of salt”. During the second break of the day he heard her make the comment “Oh my god have you heard him talk?” while in the break room and everyone at her table turned to look at him. On the 3rd break of the day when he walked into the break room she stated “Well there’s Sissy-boy!” At the end of the break he reported the incident to the area coordinator (Chari). He did state that he didn’t want to cause trouble.

[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]Now this was made to sound a bit more melodramatic than it actually occurred. I DID approach the area coordinator and asked to be moved to a different department. But it was done quietly and with dignity and maturity. At first, she stated that the only way one could be moved to another department was for health reasons. When she asked me why I wanted to be moved I had no choice to explain it to her. She became a bit alarmed and stated that the incident was sexual harassment and that she would email the proper people and see what could be done. Sexual harassment had not even crossed my mind! I just didn’t want to work in a hostile environment. I went back to work and the more I worked, the more I felt that it was time to see a lawyer. 6:30 finally came and I started to the break room. Chari handed me a note. I stopped and read it; it basically said that the e-mail had been sent requesting my move but she felt sure that they would want more information. I retorted with “Chari this is fine because after giving this some thought, I really don’t care and I will be seeking legal advice on this matter.” By this time I was at full boil. My rights had been stepped on. At first I kinda felt like a tattletale running to management about this. On the other hand, this “Bulldog” person had no qualms about yelling out these derogatory remarks directed at me in a packed break room, so why not share the joke with management? Or how about sharing the joke with a lawyer? Let’s just see how hard they laugh. Speaking of “Bulldog”... now I need it to be understood that I had no interaction with this woman at all. I don’t know why I was picked out from all the dykes and fairies that are already employed there. And to tell you the truth I really don’t give a shit. It was pretty clear to me that she ran the roost of Amazon.com. Even though she was in no kind of authoritative position, she still seemed to be the one in charge. I would be on break before this incident with me and I would hear her talking about other temps as if they were mindless trash. Her favorite word seems to be “Idiot”. I have noticed that if things aren’t done EXACTLY her way then she raises 99 kinds of hell.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]On the next day of work after 1st break Chari approached me and said to bring my scanner and my coat. I was to meet with her boss. This hit me like a ton of bricks. I was certain that I had just lost this job. “Oh well...ill find another...” I thought as we walked to the front break room. Then Chari surprised me. She stated that staff management was behind me and she was fighting hard for me. I was truly touched. Still mad as hell but I was moved by this show of support. We got to the main break area where I sat and talked with her boss. He was a very nice man who listened as I explained the incident and that I really didn’t want to cause trouble, and that all I wanted was to be moved quickly and quietly to another department. I had already been trained in a department called “Slam” and the people there are cool and they don’t have all this horseshit drama going on all the time. He listened and wrote down most everything I said. Then he tells me that since this “Bulldog” creature is actually an Amazon employee I have to go to their H.R. representative and explain it to her. At this point, having to explain all this yet again, I’m now at full boil again. But I remain calm and collected. We go to the H.R. office where I meet yet another woman. Unfortunately I cannot remember her name; it isn’t on any of the documentation that I have (I demanded copies of EVERYTHING that pertains to this matter). Again we sit down and I go through this shit once again. This lady was also very nice I explained to her that I came from a casino background and that I had spent much time and effort learning to treat people with respect and that I think I deserved the same. I went on to say that even though I had developed opinions about many people in the distribution center that they were unspoken, that anything I did outside the plant was MY business and no one else’s, that I was there to do a job not compete in a popularity contest and I asked her to explain to me why a middle-aged woman felt the need to call people names? I gave that kind of stuff up in 3rd grade! She really couldn’t give me a direct answer on that one and she asked me what I wanted. I told her that I didn’t want to cause trouble or make waves. I told her I didn’t care what she did with “Bulldog” but I wanted to move to “SLAM”. She complied with my request and stated that this “Bulldog” would be dealt with. I told her of my observations and wished her good luck but I really didn’t think she would be able to do anything about her. This took the woman aback a little bit; I guess I challenged her authority a bit. Anyway as I was leaving I reminded her that I would be seeking legal counsel about this only to learn of my options ECT. This also sent shockwaves through her but she maintained herself and told me she didn’t blame me. I thanked her and left. By this time it was lunch and I went to my new department after I ate. I was supposed to meet with the Staff Management head at my last break to sign a statement but I forgot to. So on 12.02 I went to see him on break and I signed the statement in italic above. With this, he gave me a copy of HIS findings:

Findings
“Jeffrey approached Chari at the latter part of his shift with a sexual harassment complaint. The complaint was forwarded to Amazon.com for their investigation as “Bulldog” is an Amazon associate. Jeffrey simply wants to move to a different department. When interviewing Jeffrey this is an emotional issue and he is visibly angered.”
Factual Determination
“Jeffrey believes he has been discriminated against due to his sexual orientation and has asked to be transferred to another department.”
Action Taken
“To alleviate the environment for Jeffrey, we have moved him from “Pick” to “Slam” effective immediately after we met with him.”

[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]So off I went. I’m much happier in “Slam” but I can’t help but wonder if I’m being scrutinized now. Am I gone the first time I mess up? I don’t know and I really doubt it. Amazon is very afraid of me right now. They know I have every intention of seeing a lawyer and I will not hesitate to litigate if there are any more comments thrown my way. I wasn’t very pleased with the statement “...due to his sexual orientation...” these people don’t know what I am; they only assume. There’s no one there I feel the need to “come out” to. But if it achieves the desired results, then I can live with it. I would have prefers “...Due to his alleged sexual orientation...”...oh well, can’t have everything I guess. And what exactly happened with “Bulldog”? I did ask and was pretty much told it wasn’t any of my business. And the man was right. It really isn’t. One thing I’m sure of; “Bulldog” has met a “Pit Bull” and I bite much harder. Even though I’m in an environment where I really know very few people I still have eyes and ears watching my back. Anything gets back to me and it’s Showtime! My friend Jamie has recommended
a attorney that specializes in this sort of thing. I’m hoping to see him today. And I may also contact the Fairness Committee to see if there’s anything they can do, although I doubt they can since that is a Jefferson County service. I really need all this shit at Christmas time. But who knows? Santa may come in the form of a big ol’ fat check. I wouldn’t mind a ‘04 Lincoln navigator and to have my return to college paid for out of the hide of a bitter old woman... Moving on to happier things....
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]I finally got that damn table/chairs from “Tack-o-rama” delivered to Pearlie . I thought the ol gurl was gonna nag me to death til she got it. I looked at the dinette set that she HAD to have and all I could think was a line from “The Color Purple” when Miss Celie and Shug Avery meet for the first time; “That sho is ugly” HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA and “it’s STILL ugly”. Pearlie’s taste scares me sometimes. Speaking of Pearlie, I generated an invite code for him last evening. Oh, and Angela too.
And how was your week?

Merci Beaucoup...

I'm Coming Out...The story of Michael D.

11.19.03 (6:53 pm) [edit]

[i]Author's note: this is the entry that accompanies the blog from 11/14/03...I finally had time to sit down and write it...[/i]
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]Nov. 9, 1989: I had dropped out of college in 1985. I was working a dead-end job in retail. Most of my friends had graduated and moved on.
It was time.
I had always wanted to live in Dayton OH. Most of my family was there and the idea of city life appealed to me. Life in central KY consisted of working for Fruit of the Loom, provided you were fortunate enough to get hired there, and driving up and down main street Campbellsville on Friday and Saturday nights. This town is FOREVER stuck in 1950.aside from the occasional trip to Lexington to see Tim, life here was...well...there WAS no life; not to mention the friendship I had built with Tim had stirred the embers of a tiny fire that had burned inside me, yet denied, for years. Labor Day weekend ’89 rolled around and on our traditional visit to Dayton I acquired a job and a tiny house to live in.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] Nov. 1989: I had settled into my new home, my job with a well-known retailer, family that I was not accustomed to having around on a permanent basis, yet things seemingly still had not changed much.
I worked.
I went to my cousin’s house after work. (My only friends in this strange new world known as a city...)
I went home and to bed.
I got up and went to work.
But, I was on my own now. And the curiosity that once was but an ember was now a tiny flame. My curiosity was becoming overwhelming.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] I cannot remember how I found the “Stage Door”. It was a nasty, hole-in-the-wall bar on Jefferson Street in downtown Dayton. Maybe I looked it up in the phonebook; perhaps I learned of it via Tim, with whom I still had contact.
I can’t remember.
One thing is for certain; a Homosexual...even one as deeply in denial as I was... can sniff out a gay bar/club in a hot minute. It draws us in like moths to the flame. (No pun intended!) I’m no exception...at one point, I even got the nerve to dress up a bit and go inside. I walked in and it was dark, smoky, and filled with men. The bar was long and rectangle shaped with what I would have referred to at the time as a chair rail. (Later I would learn that it was called a “meat rack”) I was petrified. I walked in and quickly made my way around the bar and back out the front door. My ass was black & blue for a week after; I got pinched at least 7 times during my run through of the place. Once, a month or so later, Tim came up for a visit and he whined and cajoled until I agreed to go in again. This time I would stay a bit longer...too long or at least I thought so because this particular evening was a weekend night and the other half of the bar was open. As we turned the corner to go inside the next room, I froze in terror; there was a face I knew! It was a guy named Michael. Mike was a hairdresser in the beauty salon in the retail store where I worked. He is somewhat older than me...7 or so years I think...a bit on the heavy side, thinning hair and glasses. Michael speaks kind of like what one would think a cat might sound like if they could talk. I had heard tales of him, most to be untrue. One Halloween, Michael came to work in “drag” so the tale started going around that work was the only time Michael ever dressed as a man. My fear and denial made me shun him. And now he was standing right in front of me and I had no where to run. I said a half-assed “Hi” and made Tim leave right then and there. All the way home I just KNEW I was going to be ‘out’ to the world. Everyone at work would know; my family would know. Damn Tim Fooks! Goddamn Tim Fooks! He just wasn’t gonna rest until he got to a fuckin’ gay bar... and now my life was over.
Or so I thought.
I made it to work the next scheduled day and to my surprise I was NOT the talk of the mall. I saw Michael a few times in the break room and still shunned him even though he had not “spilled the beans” on me. I felt I could not take the risk, however the tiny flame was now a roaring fire and I had to experience it; I had to know...what was I missing? Why did the gay world move me and draw me in so? I simply didn’t understand. But I had to find out...
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] I was drowning. My family, which I DO love very much, was becoming TOO much a part of my life. I needed to make some new friends badly. I was not growing at all. The fire was consuming me. I knew I had to do something. One night I got off work at 9:15 or so and I walked out to the associate parking area. I started the big ol’ Bonneville I was driving at the time and started out of the parking lot on my way home. For some reason I drove around to the front parking lot towards the entrance to the mall. There was Michael heading to his car. I had to talk to him; I just had to. I pulled up to him and started a conversation, 1st apologizing for being kinda “stand-offish” towards him. We chatted briefly and I think he realized what was going on with me. He suggested that we go to a bar called “Changes” and have a drink. I agreed and, after he made sure I knew where I was going, off we went. Once there we ordered cocktails and sat and talked for a long time. “Changes” wasn’t a popular gay bar so there weren’t many people there and it was pretty quiet and tame; being a Tuesday night didn’t help matters either. I don’t know why, but I was very surprised to find that Michael understood all of my feelings and fears about what was about to become my new life. (Bow down to me, Maude Ruby, the queen of self-consciousness and paranoia!) He was calm and patient with this novice, and even explained that going to the “Stage Door” (affectionately known as the “Door”) as the very 1st gay bar I had ever been in was probably not the best idea ever conceived. He went on to explain that it was a bit extreme and I should have started out in “Changes”. Hell, how was I supposed to know this? I’m still in denial here...but I’m learning...fast! I was overjoyed! I finally had a new bud outside my family. Not only a new confidant, but a gay one; one who understood every single thought and emotion I was experiencing at that! I was shittin’ in tall cotton now by George! We talked for hours and I was beginning to feel as I ‘fit in’ with this new life; I assimilated to it pretty well I think. I was beginning to change from a bitter friendless person into a likable one. Michael and I made plans to meet at “Changes” the next night and parted ways. I was absolutely elated all the way home. The next night we met and did the whole cocktail thing, and a great friendship blossomed. Very quickly we became pretty much inseparable. We played things low-key at work, which in retrospect probably wasn’t really fair to Michael, yet as I have stated so many times already, he was very understanding of my feelings and fears. Michael introduced me around to all the right people and even invited me to M.C.C. Church, Dayton Parrish. I went, and eventually became very active in church functions. Sometimes I miss the M.C.C. church, however, it’s such a joke here in Kentucky that I cannot be bothered with it; of cuss, most ALL gay life in KY is a joke. But I digress...
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]Michael also kept my hair in perfect shape; I NEVER walked through the threshold of a door what my hair was not flawless. Michael introduced me to Walt, who went on to become one of my very best friends (now no longer part of my life; but that’s another journal entry entirely...), “Mother” Bruce, with whom I have lost contact...Steve Z., Billy R. and a host of other people too numerous to mention at this time. Yet more fodder for bloggin’! Michel is the one who dubbed me “Maude Ruby Titus” ...and HE was known as “Marilyn Michelle” (“Marilyn” after the late great Ms. Monroe, with whom Michael shares a birthday). This was his stage name, but, truth be known, his real name was “Modine Gunch”...known as a Model AND an actress, Modine to this day is still and shall remain a dear, beloved friend to me. I do not cross the state line into Ohio without at least calling him. Modine is difficult to reach though. Modine is perpetually fashionably late; once late to a party by 48 hours...go figure! Michael and I had some wonderful, memorable times during my years in Dayton; unfortunately life got in the way of my happiness; my parent’s health...both at the same time...slipped a bit and I was forced to move back to the Styx. I was very distraught, nay, depressed about being torn from my new life and new friends by having to move back to “Podunk Holler” and Modine took my move very badly...
Everyone has a period...no...A mystical “bubble” in time that is so special and so magical it cannot be duplicated.
This was one of those times in my life.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] It was fabulous to get to talk to him the other day; I don’t know why I don’t call him more often. Now whosoever may read this need to understand...Michael was and IS my friend; we never got sexual in any form of the word. But he has certainly made in impact on me. He made coming to terms with who and what I am much easier, and proved to me that being gay did NOT mean being like Tim Fooks...which, among all my fears and angst of being gay was THE SINGLE largest one. I will always love Modine dearly, not for what and who he is, but who I am when we are out hangin’ together...

Merci Beaucoup...

He's Baaaaaaaaack...and EMPLOYED!!!

11.18.03 (9:23 pm) [edit]

Amazon.com is going to prove to be quite an experience; Friday I went out to the Staff Management trailer to make SURE there was not a repeat of the previous Saturday morning; The little girl there told me all my tests and my background check had come and I was all set to go. Good. I got there on time Sat. morning only to sit in one of their break rooms with about 80 other people also starting work that day.
We sat for 2 hours.
2 solid hours.
Now what in the hell was up with all that? Finally the little girl who hired me on came and started calling people’s names and herded us all to get our badges made and to start our “conditioning”...we then proceeded to get the initial information, assign each person their new departments (Mine is Picking”) and they let us leave after about 6 hrs. Man they paid us for AT LEAST 2 hrs. to sit and make small talk....Now maybe it’s ME, but I’m thinking this place is mega unorganized....
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] Sunday Morning arrives and once again I get there on time. This morning we don’t sit as long as the previous day; instead we are gathered together and moved to a conference room based on which department we were chosen for. Then we proceed to start training... now I found this almost laughable; we spent 8.5 hours of being told how to get fired. Maybe I have lived in the city too long, but these country fucks seem to take great pleasure in firing people from their jobs. We were regaled with stories of people who had been dismissed and what their offences were. Then this guy (who was one fine looking individual!!) came in and was identified as Steve Baber of Staff Management. Then he proceeds to tell us all how easily we can be fired. By this time I’m beginning to think I have made a grave mistake taking this job. I have been told very little positive about the place thus
far. My God!! And they wonder WHY they have to bus people in from as much as 100 miles away to work? Jesus, I don’t see how the ones that work there permanently can stand the bullshit. I have already been approached about staying on full time permanent, but I don’t
know...much is gonna have to change to make me agree to a position there...
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] So after about 8 hrs of bullshit actual training begins. I
watch and absorb it and all I’m able to think of is the “lost in Space” movie. The family is all frozen and the spaceship is about to take off;
Matt LeBlanc’s character is still awake and he presses a button and says “And the monkey flips the switch...” now to anyone who doesn’t get that, the job is cake...a 4 year old can do it. Pull the item off the shelf; scan it; put it in the tub; Pull the item off the shelf; scan it; put
it in the tub. For 12 hours. Now there IS a massive amount of walking with all this but I don’t mind; I need the weight off me anyway.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] Monday...yesterday. I arrived at Amazon and quickly fell into what will now be my average morning routine for the weekends. Average orders filled for a given day is 137 per hour and I did 96.5 my first day.
Like I said.... “And the monkey flips the switch...”
I must admit though, I have been going to mom’s apartment eating and falling right asleep. This is due mostly to the fact that my body is still very much geared to casino life; up at dusk, in bed just at the crack of dawn....Ahh well. I’ll adjust until I find real employment or go back
to school...or both.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] Outside that and missing my friends, not much new is going on; Gay life in the styx is...well ...non existent, so I have been spending a lot of time in front of the T.V. In Louisville, I am without a phone right now which, of cuss, includes the internet. Thank God for Sumshee’s or I’d probably be pulling my hair out. Tonight is Open mic
night and I must run...more as soon as possible.

Merci Beaucoup.....

Employment, glorious Employment...

11.14.03 (3:29 pm) [edit]

I'm feeling pretty amazing today. I just left Amazon.com, and all of the hoops have FINALLY Been cleared and I start tomorrow morning at 7:am. UGH! This is really gonna kick my ass... My body is so accustomed to the life of a vampire. On to the events of yesterday...
I arrived in campbellsville around midnight Wednesday nite. And got to bed around 2:am; An early bedtime for me.Yesterday I watched an enormlous amount of T.V.; Now I realize that this is really not a big deal to most,but since I don't own a televesion at this time...It's a treat to me. Thank God TNT & USA run a lot of "law & Order" episodes. I can get a lrge "fix" when I'm here. A T.V. and cable are high on my list of things to do once I get back on my feet. I also called my temp agencies in Louisville to get my usual daily "No, nothing available today; Call back tomorrow...". Then I decided to get my hair cut. There was a style that I had seen on one of my oldest & dearest friends over Labor Day weekend and I decided to call him and get the EXACT instructions as to what to tell the stylist at the salon. (BTW: It turned out PERFECT!)Michael was gonna do it labor day weekend, unfortunately time simply did not permit. Michael D, was...no...IS my first TRUE gay friend. I say this because in an earlier post I wrote about my former friend Tim, who was the first gay friend I ever had, yet in retrospect I don't feel he was a true friend to me at all;
Michael is.
Michael is a hairdersser for a well-known dept. store salon. So I called him at work to inquire about the cut. Mike was as thrilled to hear from me as I was to get to talk to him. We chatted briefly and I got the instructions for the cut. He then said " aww I was hoping that you were in town so I could cut it..." I told him no...we said our goodbyes and I promised to drive into dayton as soon as I possibly could.
I pressed the button on the cellphone to end the call and for a moment i held the phone as if I was hugging all my old friends in dayton at once. I miss all of them greatly.For the 2nd time in as many days, nostalgic memories of the years I lived in Dayton, Ohio washed over and enveloped me in that happy, warm, "fuzzy" feeling we all get from time to time. Paul nutzizi reminded me of those days the 1st time on Tuesday nite. Apparently at some point, (tho I cannot for the life of me remember WHEN)I told him of my old nickname that I haunted me during that period of my life; "Maude Ruby Titus". "Maudie"...and this broke the dam and all the memories came flooding back. I had said in an earlier post that i would blog about this when i was in a better state of mind. My mental state really isnt any better now, yet I feel driven to get all this down while it is "Refreshed" in my mind. Being as I am stuck in the styx, I think I shall make it a seperate post so its not such an incredibly long read...

Merci Beaucoup...

Another shit day....Surprise Surprise...

11.12.03 (6:39 pm) [edit]

[b]S[/b]o here I sit again...I'm getting ready to head south to my mom's again; I need to find out if i working for Amazon.com or not...And I have a plan that MAY get me unemployment...I will have to see into that...anyway...
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] [b]O[/b]pen mic Nite was disappointing to say the least; There was a tiny crowd and it broke up about 11. I don't know if it's the season, or if people just have other things they wanna do or if it's me. Travis left me LARGE shoes to fill and I'm afraid since I'm NOT him, people have lost interest. That worrys me the most, as I don't wanna cause it to end. What little i had was pretty good tho...Maree brought a Show & Tell item that she had great fun with; It looked, for all intents and purposes, like a vibrator...Actually it WAS a type of vibrator; one used on the backs and chests of patients with Pneumonia to break up the congestion. She had great fun sticking it in guy's crotches...We were all amazed at redfarmer...his voice went way deep when he screamed at the vibration in his groin: NONE of us expected it! After a dismal Open Mic, I sat and had a nice talk with Paul, (who BTW has gotten his job back! Way to go Paul...Ya beat the system!!)Robert, Tuck, P.J. (who arrived late) Maree, Voodoo John, Summie and Pavel. Pavel is a newcomer to both the coffee shop and America. He is from Poland and teaching chemistry at U of L. A very nice man AND he gives one killer neck/back massage; the man had me totally speechless and in such a state of tranquility and quietus last evening. I dont know what he does but it is SOOOOOOOOO relaxing; I told him that if he went back to Poland he HAD to leave his hands here!! they are pure massage GOLD! During our conversations, Paul sparked som fond old memories of my days in Ohio, when everyone called me "maudie"...much fodder for a blog when im in a better state of mind...After the Coffee shop wound down barrista Eric, P.J. and I went to Trollangles for a cocktail: there I ran into the notorious Jason Smith. Now before ANYONE who knows me and the drama that unfolded at the coffee shop this past Spring/Summer Needs to REMEMBER that:
1) I was not coming around much at this time as I had my OWN deamons to deal with. (Caesars; My mom's move, My Health...)
2) when I did triumphantly return, I TOOK NO SIDES: I Still consider Jason Smith a friend of mine as well as everyone else at the coffee shop and I will not get caught up in the middle of this piss-fight!
Jason is doing well now; He's waiting tables to survive and he's enrolled at U of L in Pre Law. We had a nice visit and he has agreed to get me some info on enrolling myself as I aspire to be a paralegal. He has been in contact with A&O Jason . I haven't seen Jason forever; Jason S. told me he's doing fine...working for Heinie Borthers coffee shop....I miss him...damn! that boy could make a latte`...anyway moving on... Jason told me he has tried to mend fences with some of the key players in said drama but none of them are hearing it. I wish things could be different;
I know they won't be...
Eric pretty much disappeared and P.J. went into one of his mega long drawn out stories. Now i love P.J. to death but JESUS he drags a tale in explicite detail out for literally hours...and unfortunately it's usually NOT a story of interest so as soon as last call was announced I beat it out of Trollangles and went on a cock hunt; total waste of time; Nothing human out.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] [b]R[/b]ev.Dr. Rothbauer let me know that there was no need to put my Blogwise link on all my blogs yet i cannot figure out HOW to put it in my links...Live journal is such a mystery to me sometimes...
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] [b]G[/b]enerated my first code for a friend last nite..Welcome to my friend Joey. Yes this is a great place to vent...

More later from the styx...

Merci Beaucoup...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

11.11.03 (12:54 pm) [edit]

I awoke about 10:30 this morning. Now I realize that this is really no biggie yet I went to bed @ 6:PM last nite. 15 hours of sleep and I don't know why. I was supposed to go seeking employment with Paul yesterday and I missed it. God im becoming such an ass hole bum it's pathetic. I'll call him later and Hopefully he's not TOO mad.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] I woke up in an odd mood and it seems to be getting more and more odd. I don't feel bad. Actually I feel pretty good except for the fact that im unemployed...I did my traditional morning routine; Cigarettes, coffeemaker, bathroom, computer. I chatted for a bit with my cousin, "Snatch" and "E"...checked my Email, or should i call it "spam-mail", since that seems to be all i get. 47 emails and only 2 of them from friends and worth keeping...im so sick of this shit...Then I went to read this blog by this woman in MASS.; I met her cousin in Tblog sometime ago and she shared this woman's blog with me. Now there was a post called "Long Post" that intrigued and upset me. This post was about 3rd grade childhood memories of this woman, and not of a fond nature. here is an edited exerpt from her blog:

[b][u]EXERPT DELETED TO MAINTAIN A TBLOGGER'S PRIVACY[/u][/b] the passage was about the author being abusive to one of her closest friends growing up and the friend allowing it.

[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] Now maybe this is just me, but this upset me greatly. i know that the ferocity of children knows no end but...DAMN! this chick seems to both look back on these memories as fond AND apologetic.The author in conclusion stated that she wanted to find this girl and apologize for the past. she went on to state that she's had a couple of encounters with this woman since school and apparently this girl, now in her late 20's is doing just fine. The author of the blog however is living in a project if i understand this right. kinda Poetic justice for "J" if u ask me...And i can't help but wonder if the state of MASS. is paying for this website...The author has her own blogsite and using "Movable type" no less... a very difficult program to set up...so the bitch has got brains...Anyway this spurred me to split myself open and look at my past friendships...and in some ways i really didnt like what i saw.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]My 1st gay friend was a heavyset balding kid in college named Tim Fooks. Tim was a music major in the early 80's, with a voice that, had he been more dedicated, would have took him to far in life. His voice was rich and classical and he could have sang in the Metropolitan Opera in NYC easily. Tim was my friend, a "window" to the gay world that this closet homo welcomed and needed at that time in my life. The "window" was not a clean one tho... I loved him as my friend & hated him with a hot passion as well. Tim was the ultimate flaming queen, which is NOT good when your attending a private baptist college. This made him the brunt of a lot of abuse. The most memorable event of abuse during our years in that "christian" institution was one semester towards the end of the semester the "jocks" all got together and took the door off Tim's room and threw it and most everything he owned out onto the roof of the lobby, which Tim's window overlooked. Now this roof was flat and there was about 4 inches of rain water and piss covering it; the jocks who all lived on the 3rd floor took great pleasure in pissung out their windows onto this roof...altho I never understood why...needless to say all of Tim's stuff ruined. All because Tim is gay. Several years later i saw the leader of this Pack at the "Connection" and was forced to make him recall this in a bathroom filled with men and at the top of my lungs of cuss...but I digress and that's a whole other blog
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]Unfortunately some of Tim's abuse came from me, I fear. As I write this, I'm trying to recall if I really was abusive or just my strong-willed self. Tim would Decorate up his dormroom to try and impress everyone...of cuss it had pretty much the opposite effect. Tim would spend every dime he had to decorate and if he didn't have the money he would shoplift what he wanted. I can recall many a student loan taken out to decorate and and buy evening gowns. Tim drove this old caddy...actually it MAY have been a collectible car...and he hid the hubcaps off it and defrauded the insurance company for the money. Tim would lie....JESUS would he lie...told anyone and everyone that would listen how he was raped and had a broomhandle stuck 18 inches up his ass; he would tell tales of how he was abused by his mother and grandmother, My personal favorite was the one about why he could not stand the smell of Lysol because he stated that his Grandmother would make his Mother and her twin sister douche with it. Now Tim would forget that I met all these people on several occasions and I cannot see his mother being abusive; furthermore the Grandmother couldn't have forced her daughters to douche with Lysol because it would have killed them . Helen Keller could see that one. As i said Tim was my first "window" into the gay world and it was not a clean one; I feard that the homosexuality that I KNEW was inside me was going to be JUST LIKE HIM and I definately did NOT like what I saw. I dont steal nor do i defraud and in my much younger mind i was just SURE that this is what gay was all about. EVERYTHING Tim did or tried to do went against every value was brought up to believe in and I hated him for that!
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] I was virtually Tim's only friend. And I had my turn at berating him myself. I used to raise holy hell about him wasting money. I used to condemn him for staying out all nite at Queer bars and then showing up for class the next day. When Tim would attempt something and the slightest thing would go wrong he would throw his hands up and give up. I rasied hell about this too. I never gave up on something until i was flat-out TOLD...hey thats not gonna work. Told ya I was strong-willed. I dunno...Tim and I went at each other abusive on and off for years until i guess finally he couldnt take it anymore. He came to see me when I lived in Dayton (and was "Out") a few times and always left mad because I had developed a new circle of friends and I guess he never felt that he would fit in.
But he would have if he woulda just allowed it and hadda stopped trying to fuck all my friends...
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] Tim stopped speaking to me in the early 90's. last account of him i have had was one of his old boyfriends happened to come to the casino when i was working there and told me he's in Atlanta GA working for some sorta beauty pagent....how fitting. after expelling all this I really feel as though I don't OWE him an apology, I would like to sit down and talk and close this chapter of my life once and for final...
Maybe it will happen.
Probably not. Who can say...

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

Merci Beau Coup...

Home again Home again Jiggity-Jig...

11.10.03 (3:08 am) [edit]

I arrived In Louisville about 7:PM tonite. Finally back to civilization. There's only SO much one can take of girls/women with big over processed blonde hair chawing gum; Boys/Men with mullets and a can of "skoal" tucked in their pockets. One cannot take a lot of country driving; the only social center being the 24-hr Walmart; People not knowing how to so much as turn a computer ON let alone surf the Internet. When will they [b][u]EVER[/u][/b] leave the 80's??? GOD I have missed this tiny apt.! Well let's update a bit...

My goddamn background check for Amazon.com did NOT get back in time for me to start work for them this past Saturday morning like I was supposed to...The guy there was very nice and apologetic, however that didn't ease my anger. I did maintain myself and said very little to him; I did inform him that I received a call the evening before confirming that I was to be at work at 7:am Saturday morning...He also apologized for that and told me I could "call this week and see if my check was back" to which I replied NO you can call ME!I'm sorry but I was there when I was told to; they really want me they can call me. I'm so pissed about all that...

Much to my surprise "S" showed up shortly after I got home tonite and arranged an impromptu orgy here at my Apt. Fun was had by all but I must say I'm ready for more...He to come back today around 4ish but past history with "S" tells me not to count on it; "S" is kinda....hmmm....how shall I say? Unreliable? He brought a bag of Starbuck's coffee with him too..."Guatamala Antigua". Kids, this shit is the [u]bomb[/u]!! I will be purchasing some of this!

After everyone here plugged "S"s ass I got cleaned up and went to Sumshee's; HAd a nice conversation with Eric and Chris. Chris worries me yet I think he will be ok. Chatted with Tuck and had a bite to eat. Noticed that Voodoo John and Psycho Eileen are now speaking again, and I cannot help but wonder when the next drama will occur; One thing for certain: It had BEST NOT involve me in any way shape or form! I also Talked to my friend paul and his man Robert for a while; Paul is gonna appeal his termination and depending on how that goes he and I MAY go seeking employment today...

Rode over to "Grandma's House" to cruise cock since "S" got me all fired up; really shoulda known better...was lame...closest I got to cock was watching this hottie at the Crest Motel jack off. Apparently this is what he wanted since he wouldn't allow me in to "service" him. and a Louisiana boy at that! damn I love a Cajun and damn I hate an exhibitionist!!!!

HASH(0x886b0ec)

You are RuPaul: Beautiful, glamorous, and musically
inclined, you are the darling of the GLBT
activists. You stand up for gay rights and
education on issues that are important to you.
You also put out a kick-ass dance track and
have the most fabulous big blonde hair!

Which famous Drag Queen are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Merci Beau coup...

Home from the styx...

11.05.03 (11:06 pm) [edit]

I decided to stay in the Styx a bit longer than I had planned; My friend Debbie, who was hostess of the party, asked me if I was working yet to which i reply "No"...she then tells me that Amazon.com is hiring and I should put in an app...so I did...and I was hired...on the spot!...just [u]one[/u] nasty little fly in this ointment; I Do not want to live in...Nore do i fit in...Campbellsville anymore!!! So I agreed to a weekend job, working Sat.-Sun.-Mon. 12 hr. shifts each...and paid for full 40 hr week. Now this will free up Tues. thru Fri. to seek employment here AND continue hosting Open Mic nite. Yet another reason to stay here is that I seem to have made some really good friends here; Paul ,( who is going thru some difficulty right now: ur in my thoughts pauline!!!),redfarmer (I'm a bit concerned about you Chris...) most all of the gang at Sumshee's coffee shop; Barrista Eric was worried since i hadnt been in for a few days: had Sumshee email me to call so once i arrived back in Louisville and got the email, I went over and saw him to catch up a lil...made me feel good to be missed....nope... my mind's made up; I WILL NOT LEAVE LOUISVILLE IF AT ALL POSSIBLE!!!
I'm feeling very loved and missed by my friends tonite even tho I'm the ONLY one having a reasonably good day...Paul lost his job due to office politics: Maree came home to find one of her best friends drunk naked sleping in her livingroom(which she trashed) Robert quit his job; what a dumb move....job market here sucks out loud at this time...oh well...as Ms. Scarlett would say..."tomorrow IS another day...

Cheers!

Ok so the body is pretty much pickled and almost ready to view...

11.02.03 (7:26 pm) [edit]

ok so 11/01 was the 2nd and last of the parties for the Halloween Season....Thank God!
i don't think i have a liver left.
My head still hurts badly.
i slept for 14 hours straight.
The last party was in a room full of straight people. What Fun for a card-carrying homo. I tried to pull myself together a bit from the night before...SWORE to myself that i would NOT drink...
Yeah fuckin right.
I dont know who came up with the old saying "hair of the dog that bit ya" but he needs to drink for 3 days straight himself...non stop.
what an ignunt thing to say.
now what my friends that read and responded to in my Halloween blog need to understand is that not ONLY can I not get the damn eyemakeup OFF but [u]I dont remember where it came from in the 1st place!!! [/u]For the life of me I [u]CANNOT[/u] remember when it was put on or who did it.
anyway...lets see....this party wasnt the glitter and glamour of Halloween night ...and not as many people, but me and a faghag dressed as a saloon gal and a full bottle of Maker's Mark fun was had by all. Barb is too much fun at a party as long as she stays sober; this is a person who tends to go to sleep after a few drinks. So needless to say i continued my role as designated drunk.
of cuss the 1st question outta everyone's mouth was" are u wearing makeup?" so i hadda explain about 30 times
~Yes I have on eye makeup
~Yes I went to halloween parties last nite
~No I dont know where it came from
~Yes I know its somewhat smeared; it's smeared from attempts to remove it.
~No i cant get it off
~Where's the Booze?
so i drank and visited with old friends from highschool.
Very nice time.
much calmer and i wasnt in the public eye like I am when I'm home in Louisville yet it was a nice country costumed throwdown. No great events to report...too much alcohol and some great times with old friends...I just REALLY shouldnt have drank more...

THANK GOD ITS ONLY ONCE A YEAR!

I GOTTA stop doin this...I act WAY too Ignunt!

11.01.03 (11:41 am) [edit]

What a nite
Holy Shit What a Night!!!

Went out for Halloween at Infection...I cant do this right now...my head hurts too bad...
OK i have to do this before i lose it...Went to the coffee shop to meet McMarkbolinar @10...Pearlie Light joined us also. I didn't dress in any sorta outfit but bought a "Cat-in the-Hat" type hat at Sumshee's...and did a lil eyeliner and mascara.
Bad move.
i can't get the shit off.
anyway... since i hurt...heres
Hilites from Halloween
Went to the Drag show at Infection...was pretty good for a change.
simone was lame tho...Pearlie and I went with paulnutzizi, and his man Robert and when we got there ran into Shaqueda and Olive Oyl...I STILL cannot believe that he thinks hes a paid escort...he will starve to death. There were many great costumes there last night. Anyway i unintentionally proceed to be overserved. I really gotta stop that...
During the course of the drag show Pearlie Spots William and Roger, old mutual friends of ours.Now William is "not supposed to talk to us because we busted Roger out at the clubs having a big ol time once; At the time W&R were supposedly broken up and R was just flirting and carrying on...UNTIL he saw us THEN it was tears and whaling "I love him i miss him oh boo hoo hoo"...and of cuss being the bitch I am I told W all about it...So out of the balcony I go...stormed right down and gave W a big ol hug right in front of roger. Now i havent seen these ppl in quite a while, so now that i have them BOTH in the same room i asked POINT BLANK what was up with this horse shit; W had no idea what i was talking about and R got VERY nervous and started explaining & apologizing...gimmie a break here! I DID end up having a nice visit with William in spite of the ignunt R
I staggered back down to the coffee shop as Paul & Robert left Pearlie and me at Infection..the place was beginning to jump a bit ...after hours ya know...Anyway While on the sidewalk I ran into my arch #1 enemy and his troll...Brian Arnett...now this lowlife son of a bitch and I have a long history..one day i will vent it in a long blog. He had the gall to try and talk to me.I had too much to drink as previously stated and it took me a minute to figure out who he was...once i did, however, i yelled "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME TRASH"...I wanted to say much MUCH more but i was in too good a mood and having too nice an evening. Now his EX informs me that he received a call from Irvington KY where this trash & Troll live....and i run into him? coincidense? I think not...and I aint havin it...he wants trouble? it can be made possible...
There were several great costumes at the coffee shop also..Maree had on this big ol bellie and titties and a bathrobe...was pretty kewl except when i squeezed a nip it was hard...i was expecting it to be soft and pliable....hahahah... Rothbauerredfarmer came as I-65 between exit 0 & 4 ( this section of the highway is under construction & MEGA trashed)..he had caution tape and cement on him..was a cleaver idea...STILL proud of ya for finding a backbone, dude....there was some twinkie dressed as Creuella DeVille...was a good outfit altho i dont do drag...wouldnt do it myself...Speaking of twinkies...
I popped outside for a bit of fresh air and found Crazy Davey sitting on the sidewalk with Jason #27...Davey was on a BAD tequila drunk which is NOT GOOD for Davey is diabetic...now this sobered me up quickly...I was very scared for him. We got him inside and laid him on one the couches and I splashed cold water on his face....this REALLY upset me because even tho the twinkies get on my nerves they ARE part of my community and the thought of one getting into medical trouble upsets me greatly...i want em around to pick on! So, once we got Davey somewhat coherent, this guy ( I dont know his name) took davey home. #27 and i called to make sure all was well...Man...Once im feeling better Davey is in some DEEP shit with me!

...More later i needa lay down...

Merci Beaucoup...
Current Mood: one WICKED hangover
Current Music: No music right now...PLEASE!!!

A shocking night...These kids dont use their Brains!!

10.30.03 (10:03 am) [edit]

Man...what in THE HELL are these kids thinking? I arrive late to Sumshee's. While it was a plesant evening overall there's some things that disturb me. First of all, I find that the new fucktard Randy has told twinkie James hes "too fat" for him...man if this turnip is tryin to make friends, he sure is goin about it ALL wrong. What shocks me is that either A) he doesnt realize hes being an ass or B) he knows and doesnt care...either way he's gonna keep on til he gets his feelings hurt if not the rest of him.

I sat and had a nice conversation with McMark, Chris ,(who finally explained how to make the links in my journal...which I'm still not sure work right.) Voodoo John, John K. and Barom (sic) Hope i spelled that right. Then McMark Drops the lil bomb on me that this twinkie/queen i refer to as "Olive Oyl" is a Paid escort! Now at this point my jaw drops because "O.O." is ...umm...shall we say Less than attractive...I DO hope that this is not her only source of income as she will starve to death if it is. Then I find out james has been kicked outta his house tonite. I called him over and offered my couch as did McMark and Paul upon his arrival. James refused outta either A) pride or B) waiting for the right one to ask him to stay over until he can get on his feet. Claimed he was gonna sleep in his car which we all felt was not a good idea since the weather at night now is a bit nippy to say the least. Man that kid has had it rough lately; fired from his job, and now homeless. I'm sure it wont last long; Parents have these lil fits and then regret them and this particular twinkie has the hutzpah to really make them sweat over this...so I'm not TOO worried altho the streets of louisville really isnt the place for a 20 year old twinkie. Speaking of James, this brings me to shock #2;

The Queen Mother stopped on one of his trips thru the shop and asked me to step back to his office once i finished a cup of his delicious soup; he had something he made and wanted my opinion. When i got back to his office he handed me a flyer that he had made; It was pretty harsh, yet said things that were long overdue in saying. Bottom line here is that if ur caught with booze or drugs on the premisis there will be hell to pay. and hes right. Apparently this is somthing that has been building since the lil "Glow-stick Ricky" drama unfolded. Then there's the lil rumor flying thru AOL and YAHOO chatrooms that Sumshee's is a great place to come and run back and forth to ur car and drink and do drugs in the parking lot. NOT! Us old-timers will put a stop to that. This evening the straw that finally broke the camel's back was that Tuck allegedly was gonna get drunk with James...who is not of legal age. Now whatever happens off coffee shop property is out of the Queen Mother's hands...but when it transpires in the parking lot thats another story and could open a nasty lil can of worms NONE of us need opened. I'd really hate to see the coffee shop closed due to the stupidity of one of the customers. Grapevine gossip says that a city official, on his way to Trollangles saw a kid dancing in nothing but a thong...this does not look good on our beloved caffine haven. Word is, IF theres any truth to this and alcohol did get passed to a minor theres gonna be some serious banning done.
and I hate that.
Tuck is a friend of mine
James has become a friend of mine
But if u wanna play with fire i guess u sould expect a burn or 2...What I don't understand is what in the hell Tuck was thinking? does he not know the consequences of his actions? again my jaw is on the floor...

McMark...what should i say here? Tonite was i guess the first actual time i have sat and talked to mark...he alright...was nice to get to know one of the regulars a lil better. He's very commited to his job and is trying to move to Chicago. Paul McMark Jay, our own resident ghostbuster, and I went over to Trollangles for a nitecap. Jay is another one i got to know a lil better tonite. He's a hard one to get to know and has a bit of an odd turn to him, but once ya get to know him hes not a bad guy at all. I CAN live without hearing about how rich he is tho. That does NOT inpress me in the least. I'd like to think when i die I'm remembered more for my friends than how much money I left or didnt leave. Ahh pretensious Queens...gotta love 'em. Also heard tonite one of the single most pretentious of them all, Michael the designer ( Why is it ALL queens calim to be some sorta "Designer" anyway?) is so deep in debt trying to impress everyone its not funny. I dont get it...oh well...I digress...

Trollangles was pretty tragic; the strippers were lame and the bulk of the patrons looked worse than the Halloween decorations that the place has put up. So we sat on the dance floor side for a while nursing our drinks and chatting...Turns out Mc Mark knew one of the strippers and they chatted briefly. We went over to the bar side where McMark paul and I played darts. I had it sewn up and McMark came back and kicked my ass...wheres Rothbauer when ya need him? OH I know..I forgot...Chris is nursing a sore knee and left us early. He really needs to have it looked at but ....oh well u cant mother them or kill them...Anyway we all said our goodnites and I came home to put it all down...god i need a life beyond Live Journal...Oh and one more thing: the Dwarf from my last drunken nite was at trollangles tonite. I told paul and Mark to keep him away from me...and McMark says he sucks a mean dick...TMI gurl TMI....

Greetings Aquarius, Your horoscope for the 30th of October:

KEEP YOUR WORD – NO MATTER WHAT!

The Sun in Scorpio trines with Mars in Pisces which means that it’s wise to focus on a more passionate solution at work. (work? Find me work to be passionate ABOUT Huzzy!!) This is a good day to build up will power and aim for the best solution possible. Talking about things will help you come to terms with what’s really important; it’s wise to juggle the facts. Emotionally, it’s wise to give yourself some extra space, you’ll want to develop your creativity and see what blossoms from it. It’s wise to reassure your co-workers, (what co-workers? I'm Unemployed!) they will need to know that you are ready to keep your word, no matter what.
~OR~
A surprising revelation from a friend or acquaintance might wake you up to the fact that you don't really know this person as well as you thought you did.(Ya think? haven't u been reading?) Information received through fax, email or the Internet could set you off on a search for knowledge that could keep you occupied for hours. A child or young person could come to you and ask for help. This promises to be a busy but interesting day, dear Aquarius. Make the most of it! (Oh lawd...Make it ALL good tho...)

cheers!

Another Great Open Mic

10.29.03 (8:36 pm) [edit]

Open Mic nite went really well tonite. I was very pleased. It seems I get all these resounding "NO"S and then once things get going and these people see that no one is gonna make fun of them or put them down for their poetry, singing, ect. THEN its ok and they let their hair down and the poetry flows! I have noticed that the best stuff comes spontaneously from these people.

[u][b]Hilites From Open Mic[/b][/u]
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]I FINALLY got that Toni girl to perform and without the piano.She has a wonderful voice yet still distracted by all the "fairy drama"; I kept telling her to FOCUS
I really wish she would forget the piano is there...(I KNOW I'm not alone in that)

[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]Voodoo John has Finally turned that corner from "Doom & Gloom" to "slutty" poetry; A VERY welcomed change I might add...I assume he and Eileen have had a falling out, since she wasn't present again tonite...Can u say "Plesant evening at the coffee shop"?...and 2 nites running! Happy days are here again!

[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]Maree, who ripped my ass off for forgetting "Show & Tell" last week came and DID NOT bring her "S&T" item. She did, however, run to her car and get her "Leathergirl Teddy bear" and used that.Sang a song and read a few pieces of poetry...she was pretty unprepared b/c she wasn't feeling well yet performed to "pad" a bit for me...I can always count on Maree...

[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]Shawnni read poetry for me tonite; a poem that was sent to me via Tblog. It went over very well and i think i have a new regular participant in open mic.

[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]Stephanie, a Bi girl and her new BF Josh came tonite and she sang an original song and sang with James, and wrote a poem for Josh to read.It was very nice and included me b/c i was teasing him about being the "Token Straight Guy" Now Steph is a mystery to me because the last time i worked the door during after hours, she and her then Fiance, Drew stood outside and talked to me forever...odd one she is, yet I like her.

[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image] Crazy twinkie Davy showed up after he got off work and had 2 poems written and presented them. They were pretty good. That one has such a good mind if only he would use it...

[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]"ChiaCut" showed up late and only got one song in; he did very well. That boy turns me on soooooo much but alas he's too young and still trying to figure out whether he likes boys girls or both. He rode his bike to the coffee shop just for open mic and he doesn't live in the greatest of areas at this time so I took him home. No I didn't try anything with him.
As much as I wanted to...id lick that boy from head to toe! but I didn't wanna be pushy b/c he was telling me how pushy the clique he runs in IS pushy about trying to get in his pantz. Maybe it will happen with me and maybe it won't.
Who can say? all I can tell ya is I'm gonna try and help him a lil bit; take him with me to seek employment ect., but I'm sure that's about as far as I will get with that one. Paul Moon and I sat and talked for a while after I got back from taking "ChiaCut" home.He just had goten there when "Chia" decided he was ready to leave so I told paul I'd be back and we would chat a while. He let me know that my concerns about the "Queen Mother" last evening were a false alarm. I was pleased to hear that.
[image]Provocateur_135276 9484.gif[/image]...And we seem to have a new problem patron: Some fool named randy. to put it as Eric would, He "Irritates" people. "Twinkie" told me hes a crack head...NOT what the shop needs at all. I over heard him referring to us all as "tired queens" and of cuss I HADDA set him straight there. that one will have to go! There were complaints on him last time i worked the door, so I feel pretty sure he wont be around too long.
Now Rothbaur, based on the length of this blog are u glad I'm here? IM beginning to like LJ...It's growing on me...

Cheers!

NightQueen's Ignunt-ass Quiz...

10.28.03 (5:03 pm) [edit]

OK so i was bored and took this lil quiz.
the questions sounded a lot like some from the "100 things about me " webrings so....

[b]Layer.one [/b]
Name: Provocateur...thats all You need to know...
Birthdate: 1/27/nunya
Birthplace: Central KY
Current location: Lousiville KY
Eyes: Hazle
Hair: Auburn...ok...RED!
Height: 5'11"
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Aquarius
[b]Layer.two [/b]
Your heritage: German Aristocracy/Dirt poor Scottish
Your weakness: Men with long hair
Your shoes you wore today: black loafers
Your fears: Homelessness
Your perfect pizza: with EVERYTHING except anchovies
Goal you'd like to achieve: Finish my education
[b]Layer.three [/b]
Your thoughts first waking up: wheres my cigarettes?
Your best physical feature: my eyes
Your bedtime: whenever...usually at the crack of dawn
Your most missed memory: christmases at my grandparents
[b]Layer.four [/b]
Pepsi or Coke: pepsi...actually Mountain Dew
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's
Single or group dates: casual date; either sex; either
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither i HATE tea
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: both
[b]Layer.five [/b]
Smoke: Marlboro light 100's
Cuss: like a sailor...except in tblurt...french braid it!
Sing: not for many years; may soon for an open mike night
Take showers daily: ABSOLUTELY
Have a crush: nah not at the moment
Think you've been in love: yes I KNOW I have
Want to go college: been there done that
Want to get married: HELL no
Believe in yourself: yes i have to; no one else will
Get motion sickness: nope; not since childhood
Think you're attractive: nope
Think you're a health freak: nope
Get along with your parents: yes; Respect my mother highly
Like thunderstorms: eh....take em or leave em
Play an instrument: a tiny bit of piano;
[b]Layer.six[/b]
- in the past months...
Gone to the mall: Ugh! yes...under duress
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: yup
Eaten sushi: HELL no been there done that NEVER again
Been on stage: yup
Gone skating: nope
Made homemade cookies: nope
Gone skinny dipping: yup
Dyed your hair: I aint answering that one....
Stolen anything: nope never have never will
[b]Label.seven [/b]
- ever..
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: hahahah ohhhhhhhh yeah!!!
Been called a tease: nope
Got beaten up: nope
[b]Layer.eight [/b]
Age you hoped to be married: well I DONT wanna get married so....
Number and name of children: none and none...hate children ESP. 13 year olds
Dream wedding: see "age you hope to get married" answer
How do you want to die: peacefully; in my sleep
Where do you want to attend college: University of Louisville
Dream job: Lawyer
Country you want to visit: all of europe
[b]Layer.nine[/b]
- In a guy/girl...
Best eye color: dark eyes...brown
Best hair color: dark hair...brown or black
Short or long hair: LONG hair most definatly
Height: 5'-6.5'
Best weight: any..weight is no consequence..no obesity tho
Best clothing: anything as long as its clean & neat
Best first date location: Buca De Beppo for dinner.
Best first kiss location: Bodily or location? anywhere and take that as u please!
[b]Layer.ten[/b]
Number of drugs taken illegally: 2
Number of people I could trust with my life: 6
Number of CDs that I own: 15
Number of piercings: 2 holes left ear
Number of tattoos: none; not my thang ok?
Number of times my name's been in the news: Unknown
Number of scars on my body: 3
Number of things in my past that I regret.: too many to count

A plesant evening...

10.28.03 (1:31 am) [edit]

Tonite was a very plesant evening...the local coffee emporium had its traditional Monday nite Movies...which of course consisted of 3 horror movies celebrating the Halloween season; "28 days after", "Darkness Falls" and one i didn't recognize...Paul was supposed to bring "the Others" but forgot it...I wish he hadda remembered;I have seen it a few times and thats one crazy movie...It has such plot twists...loved it!!! I woulda got a kick out of seeing those who have NOT seen it and their reactions to it.
"28 Days" fucked me up...that was ONE wild ass movie.
"Darkness Falls" was pretty good also; But didn scare the shit outta me like "28 Days". Barrista Eric and the rest of my friends got a kick outta seeing me jump at the scary parts...them bitches....And there was a noticable absence of a certain lady named "E" that made the evening all that much better. On the down side Mike B. was there spouting his usual bullshit; Peeps who think they "know" me really irk me. This turnip thinks im bitter at the world when if he would come down off the cross and look around a bit, he would SEE that HE"S the [u]only[/u] person im bitter towards. I'm sorry but i DON'T share dates and i DO NOT like having my emails opened and read...A lil RESPECT would be nice...but alas.. He hasn't the brain capacity for that.
Our Glorious Leader was having a 'nite'...not a good mood at all...I'm unaware of what the problem is, yet i DO have an idea...and it scares me a lil...Time will tell.

Cheers!

All nite out...Again

10.27.03 (2:20 am) [edit]

I make these promises to myself every...i mean [b]EVERY[/b] time i go down to the coffee shop: I'm not staying all nite! nope gonna be home at a decent hour.
Yeah fuckin right.
It's 5:am; I just got in from [url=www.familyroom.biz]summie's[/url].
I wanna be asleep.
I am not.
tonite was not all my fault tho...there was a fairly nasty lil accident at the intersection tonite. Amanda and i were sitting at the computers and heard it; ran out to see what had happened and these 2 cars had collided and one of the men was unconscious.We immediately had Eric call 911 and tried to help the best we could...the police/ambulance arrived fairly quickly (well we were a block from the hospital).I think the man in the bigger of the 2 cars was hurt; he was pretty out of it when he came to; he was complaining about his had hurting and maybe it was broken.I told him to remain still until ambulance got there. I think most of either of their injuries was airbag caused. the younger guy was pretty shaken up and had a small cut on his chin, but otherwise not hurt at all that I could see. He asked for a cell phone which amanda provided and he called his family.
The older guy in the big red car...well...he was out of it for all intents and purposes; Moaning and in and out. We urged him not to move much as we didnt know how light or severe his injuries were. Finally the cops/ambulance arrives and they begin the investigation and Amanda and get outta the way of the police
So the cop looks at Amanda and I and tells us not to leave; now neither of us saw a thing...which we told them...
Ill finish this later im soooooooooooo sleepy

[b][u]2:22PM[/u][/b]
So we explained that we didn't actually [b]SEE[/b] the wreck happen we just [b]HEARD[/b] it and dialed 911. then after loading the older guy into the ambulance they talked for a while and the younger guy's mother came (he called her from amanda's celly) and we notice that the police have him in cuffs and are putting him in the cruiser! now thats a fine how-do-u-do...kid just totaled his car ( and believe me it was TOTALED!!) and [u]NOW[/u] it looks like hes goin to jail. His mother came and talked to us and told us there was some issue with his registration and they have to take him in...man that really sucked out loud...eventually he and his family (who are most all there by now) talk the cops outta arresting him and since he had no record of any kind the allowed him to go with understanding that he [u]HAD[/u] to go to the courthouse that minute and clear this other shit up.By then it was 4:30ish and i needed to leave..imagine that...a floor show with coffee....intriguing concept!

Cheers!

A Lull before the storm..

10.26.03 (2:00 pm) [edit]

Halloween is gay Christmas.
It's a time of year when all the closet-queens can freely go out in drag and not be harassed for being in a dress because its Halloween and you are SUPPOSED to be in costume.
I guess.
I personally have [b]NEVER[/b] had the desire to dress as a woman...But I accept this as part of my race/culture

Anyway I went down to the local coffee establishment last evening and was confronted with a parade of female costumes...I had forgotten that last evening was the traditional Halloween Gay cruise aboard the belle of louisville; This is a costume affair every year. I myself have never been but i hear it's a fabulous party.
So needless to say [url=http://www.familyroom.biz/]Sumshee's[/url] was quite a parade of Joan Crawford wanna be's replete with wire hangers; Glinda the good witch from "Wizard of Oz" (which actually WAS NOT a bad costume IF the guy hadda shaved his beard!) and a full assortment of men dressed like women.
Tragic.
For the most part it was a weird dull night; I guess everyone resting up for next weekend. I personally have a party every night next weekend. But im not dressing in costume. Too poor right now. So i sat and had lively conversation with my friends paul, his new man Robert (go paul go !) Maree,a new lesbian that comes to the coffee shop; I cant think of her name right now...Todd and another new coffee shop patron named Pavel. Pavel is from Poland and in the U.S. to teach chemistry at U.of L. He seems like a very nice kid; i coulda had him last evening but Todd seemed quite taken by him and i don't meddle when theres interest from another party ESPEIALLY when the other party is a good friend of mine.
Ang besides...I had 3 guys later on that evening! I slipped out of the coffee shop about 4:am and went in search of sex...The 1st guy was nice...But a tough nut to crack...literally. we circled each other forever...Married guys who wanna go out and "Take a walk on the wild side" tend to be nervous and kinda unapproachable in a cruising situation. So i finally landed him and we did the 69 thing for about 30 minutes...he was good and of "size" shall we say...Then the 2nd one...scared shitless....so bad he couldnt speak(or was he deaf/mute?) was ok but too scared mommy would catch him ..I hate that. #3 however...
In a Mini van.
Driving around.
Buck bare-assed naked.
I got a phone # from this one...So it was a pretty good night all around I think.
So today...I face Laundry.
ugh!
Cheers...

I am the Provocateur!

10.25.03 (9:04 pm) [edit]

Hello and welcome to my life.
I am the Agent Provocateur, your guide thru my journeys in this so-called life. Here's a bit of ephemera to get acquainted:

Name: Provocateur...thats all you need to know...
Zodiac Sign: Aquarius
Born: January 27th in Central Kentucky.
Siblings: None. Only child.
Education: Some College. Dropped out with 6 mos. left. ( I know, I know...Don't Start with me...!)
Occupation: None at the moment.
Partnered or Single? Blissfully SINGLE!!
Romance: What's that?
Hair Color : Auburn...ok RED!
Eye Color: Hazel
Sexuality: Strictly Dickly; Mild to wild!
Body Type: Heavyset at the moment; That WILL change.
Tatts & Piercing: No tattoos; 2 holes in my left ear.
Favorite Food: Steak
Favorite Fast Food: Skyline Chili...nastiest shit in the world and i love it!
Least Favorite Food: Okra...in ANY form!
Least Favorite Fast Food: White Castle (Ugh!)
Favorite Drink: Mountain Dew
Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Absolut Vodka in Spring & Summer; Maker's Mark Whiskey in Fall & Winter.
Smoke: yes, Marlboro Lts. 100's
Favorite TV Show: "Law & Order" ...All of 'em; South Park (Cartman is my role model!)
Actor/Actress? Sandra Bullock; George C. Scott
Favorite Genre of Music? Anything but Country

Why Agent Provocateur? Because to me thats the whole idea of a public blog. Merriam Webster defines it as follows:

Main Entry: agent pro·vo·ca·teur
Pronunciation: 'ä-"zhän-prO-"vä-k&-'t&r, 'A-j&nt-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural agents provocateurs /'ä-"zhän-prO-"vä-k&-'t&r , 'A-j&n(t)s-prO-/
Etymology: French, literally, provoking agent
Date: 1877
: one employed to associate with suspected persons and by pretending sympathy with their aims to incite them to some incriminating action

Isn't that what this is all about? provoking thought...having thoughts provoked by the blogs you read?
Just they way I see things myself...

Oh and one more thing If you have a problem with gays,Bisexuals, Lesbians,Trans Genders or anyone else associated with any of these minorities, Then[u] [b]LEAVE MY BLOG NOW![/b][/u]...I wont take it personally.

Cheers!